Breakaway Falls

Man...I am having really bad anxiety. I kind of feel like I did when my family made me ride Ihus Breakaway Falls last year at SeaWorld. It was bad. First of all, I had to climb 126 steps...slowly behind a 1000 people. It was like walking to my death. I had to stand on each step and look down as my assent got higher and higher. During the whole assent, I had to listen to everyone tell me how scary the free fall is...like I did not know it was scary. I tried to bail several times....other people were bailing left and right.......but my family would not let me. My palms were sweaty.....My heart was racing a million miles an hour. I felt that I could puke at anytime......It was awful. Once we had made it to the top of the tower we were 80 feet in the air. It was a terrible idea. I had to pick my color of tube. I choose green....its my favorite color.....definitely not my favorite side though. I did not want to do it. I was subject to all kinds of peer pressure from my family and I finally just did it. They watched me as I entered my death tube and laughed. I had to stand in a tube and cross my legs...I suppose this was so I did not pee my swimsuit...haha.......and I had to keep my arms crossed to....for good measure I kept my eyes glued shut so I could not see what was happening. It seemed like an eternity that I was waiting to fall. All sorts of butterflies in stomach.....Ugh the wait was pure torture.

It finally happened and I screamed the whole way down........a forty foot vertical drop and then I had to ride a slide going mock 7 for who knows how many feet. It lasted for like 7 minutes I am sure. I swallowed gallons of water and my swimsuit bottoms flossed my upper teeth for good measure. I hated it!!! I will never do it again.....Anyway......I am feeling that same anxiety right now while I wait for Aushlynn to start her mission.

Six More Days....

It is starting again.  The anxiety...the numbness....the sleepless nights.  Reality is setting in..... again.  I have had such an awesome week.  Just being with my family has been amazing.  Perfect...no...but amazing nevertheless. I have felt complete. Six days......It seems like such a short amount of time.  Six more days.......Time is flying by so fast! Six more days....... How am I ever going to hold it together to say goodbye again for 18 months.  I want her to go.......but I am going to miss her....so so so much.  Six more days.......Why is this so very hard for me?

In a Conference talk given by Jeffery R. Holland this past October he gave a talk on mothers. This is a quote:

“How is it that a human being can love a child so deeply that you willingly give up a major portion of your freedom for it? How can mortal love be so strong that you voluntarily subject yourself to responsibility, vulnerability, anxiety, and heartache and just keep coming back for more of the same? What kind of mortal love can make you feel, once you have a child, that your life is never, ever your own again? Maternal love has to be divine. There is no other explanation for it. What mothers do is an essential element of Christ’s work. Knowing that should be enough to tell us the impact of such love will range between unbearable and transcendent, over and over again, until with the safety and salvation of the very last child on earth, we can [then] say with Jesus, ‘[Father!] I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do."

Oh my goodness......I feel he was talking directly to me.  This is exactly how I feel. I just can't shut these feeling off.  My feelings leak right out of my eyes.

Home....

About a month ago I made a wish from my momma heart right here on this very blog. Momma heart wishes on blogs are apparently very powerful! My wish was that I could have all my babies at home for just a minute or two. Never in my wildest dreams (I don't sleep, let alone dream) did I think that this wish would be granted before May 2017.  But yesterday, right in front of the Starbucks Coffee store in the Salt Lake airport my wish was granted. I love this picture! It represent one of the BESTEST DAYS EVER! Me, Kendall and all our babies! I love how happy that everyone is. It is a balm for my heart!

 

 

 This is a picture of just me and Avery. He is such a goofball. Man, I missed him so so so much!  He said, "Hold me Momma!"  He is a little big for that..... but we did our best.  We are just lucky that we did not break his other arm...or my arm. Haha!

Now, I am off to enjoy my wish! Two weeks of all my babies under one roof! This is gonna be awesome!

Anticipation

It has been a whirl wind week.  So much has happened in the last seven days that it is almost like I am dreaming.  So......Avery hurt his elbow....... again last Sunday.  Throughout the course of the week he met with 3 different doctors.  After much discussion, reviewing medical images, prayer and fasting, the decision has been made to release Avery from his mission 2 1/2 transfers early.  Everyone felt that he could get superior care back home and since this arm is his dominate arm, we did not want to take anymore chances with it. I have had mixed emotions.  I am ecstatic to see him!!!  I am sad that he did not to experience a transfer coming home with other missionaries.  I am SAD that he did not get to bear his testimony to the new missionaries that are coming in.  But I know that he has completed his mission and that he did it honorably. I am SO EXCITED that I get to have all my babies home for two whole weeks.  This is something that is totally unexpected and such a HUGE BLESSING!

So, this leads to the anticipation.  I have had this happen before.....I feel much the same as I did when I anticipated his birth.   I had so many ideas in my head of what he might be like.

• What is he going to look like?
• How much will he weight?
• Will he have ANY hair?
• Is he gonna come out butt first? 
• Will he be crying.....will I be crying?

I feel like I have had a 21 month labor with this one.  Avery was about a month early when he was born.  Sometime babies arrive a little earlier than others, but they are loved just the same, maybe just a little bit more.  I think I might see a pattern with this one!  This just feels like this is his rebirth.

Anyway, tomorrow we are having an induced labor.......I remember I was up all night laboring with this one before I gave birth....I have a feeling that this will repeat itself........the up all night part......anyway.....I just can't wait to hug on this boy again!!!

Ponderize #2

I thought that today was going great.  But as we all know...that can change in a blink of an eye.  Without going into it now.....I am going to post the scripture that I am going to focus on this week.

D&C 24: 8

 “Be patient in afflictions, for thou shalt have many; but endure them, for, lo, I am with thee, even unto the end of thy days.”

AC/DC

I have been taking a lot of crap today.  Can't a girl just rock her AC/DC shirt without getting any flack from the family? First, I was the star of Dyllon snapchat.  Then, while were were driving to the Mikarose sale the kids started playing "Highway to Hell" in the car.  Come on....can't they just admit that they have the coolest mom ever?

 

Best Days....

The day started out just like other......work, school and kids arriving at 7am to add to the chaos which is my life.  But, today was anything but ordinary, today was special and we knew it.  Today is the day Aushlynn is going through the Temple.  While she was at work, I being the most awesome mom ever did her ironing.  Just let me get this out there in the open......I am NOT an ironing model.  Poor Kendall did not know what he was getting into when he married me, but a lover of no wrinkles is not me.  Let's just say if it needs to ever be ironed, it is not the fabric for me and I will choose something else.  If someone in my family picks an article of clothing that needs ironing... they are pretty much on there own or at the mercy of their father.  Anyway, today I made an exception to my ironing rule and iron Aushlynn's temple dress. I cried......surprise.....I am not sure I was crying be cause I was actually ironing....or because I was ironing her Temple dress and what that meant.  It could have been a little of both.

 

Aushlynn chose to go through the Draper Temple.  This is a temple that I have never taken the opportunity to go to before so it was new for all of us.  It is a beautiful Temple, especially when it is lit up at night.  The view of the valley is amazing!  I could just sit there for hours and look out from the skyline.

Me and Aush had to arrive a little earlier than everyone else so we were able to get a picture with just us.  She ruined all of them by closing her eyes.  Haha!  We did get this one, with a bride and groom in the background.  I guess that is what you get when you have a sweet old lady take your picture.

 

The Temple was amazing! Aushlynn was a radiant princess.  This is what she wrote on her facebook page about it. "Going through the temple tonight with beloved family and friends was such an amazing experience 💗 " Seriously, I am so lucky that I get to be her mom. I am so glad that she had an amazing experience. She is just awesome.  I have to say that this is the best day as a parent!  I have had three of them so far. It is awesome to be in the temple with my children.  It is the BEST FEELING EVER!

 

 

I found this little treasure on my windshield of the car when I left. It was pretty sweet to get it.  What a great reminder for those who are looking forward to the temple.

Ponderize #1

I have to say that LDS General Conference has been amazing this fall.  I have listened to many amazing talks.  Elder Holland talk about mothers was amazing.  I also love the Talk by Devin Durrant. He challenged everyone to ponderize a scripture a week.  I turned to Kendall and told him it was a great idea and that I was going to do it.  During the next song, I pulled out my scriptures and chose the following to ponderize for the week.

Alma 7:11-12

11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

 12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

Right after I printed my scripture to hang on the fridge. I started listening to Allen Haynie's talk.  Maybe it was inspiration on my part or maybe something that I need to ponder in my life, but Elder Haynie's talk included my chosen scripture.  I thought that it was pretty cool.

So after pondering this scripture this week I have a greater understanding of the atonement and how it applies in my life. Christ suffered for me.  He knows the pains and the hardships that I have.  Since he suffered for me, he will be able to stand with me on my judgment day and plead for mercy for me.  A song called "The Hardest Thing I Ever Loved To Do" has a verse that I just love.

The hardest thing I’ve ever come to see
is a man down on his knees in agony
a drop of blood falls down on olive leaves
and for a moment he suffers there for me

Christ did suffer for just a moment for me and I will be eternally grateful for him...my Brother.