Friday, June 23, 2017

Superman and Bart Simpson

So.....Madi and Sadey have some new friends. They invited Superman...aka...Cam Reeves and Bart Simpson...aka Parker Simpson...Over to watch a scary movie. Ok...first off...who even does that...invites people over to watch scary stuff....don't they know that scares some people. It's not even really the scary stuff that you watch in a movie....during the night you can dream up way scarier stuff than any movie shows....Scary is not my thing! It's just mean of them to do this...what if those boys peed there pants or screamed like little girls? They would have been so embarassed.  Ok....anyway.....Madi told me that they would just be downstairs and to send them down...they didn't want to have to open the door...now that would of been scary! I had my instructions. I meet those boys by the mail box. I said SUP...Superman....I then let them know that those girls were gonna try and scare them with a scary movie. RUDE! I gave them a rubber mouse to use to get even....I am super nice like that....Madi hates mice. She scared of them......all is fair in love.and war right??? Also...we sent Madi a snapchat so she knew they were there.....I thought it was super helpful for her....so she knew to be prepared for them to walk down...right?


So...they watched a movie called "Ouija" I am happy to report to you that Superman does not have Swands.....you know...sweaty hands.....this is good news...two thumbs up.......I have not heard if Bart Simpson does....I will keep you posted if I ever find out...Sadey doesn't tell me nothin! The kids survived the movie with only a few jumps...so I guess this is good news....I have no idea what they dreamed up last night though...hopefully they all had sweet dreams and no scary nonsense. Anyway....it was time for me to go to bed. I told everyone nighty night.... then received this snapchat......so nice to have two new friends....streak anyone?  I sent them a cool snap back....it did not keep a copy thought.


Madi got a good night hug.....sigh...maybe next time Chicka...

Monday, April 3, 2017

and just like that...done

And just like that....my years of being a missionary momma are coming to an end. I am not gonna lie......when I realized today that I won't have a missionary to write on Sunday I broke down and cried. What??? Seriously I have issues! I know! How did the last five years go by so quickly?
When Dyllon received his mission call and left I thought that my heart would shatter into a million pieces. I was reduced to a puddle of tears just thinking about him being gone. Time slowed down to a meer crawl and every day felt like a week. Some how I survived.
 Then Avery received his mission call and left 6 months before Dyllon returned home. I did not know how my heart could handle two precious sons serving. It was not quite as hard the second time...but it still broke my heart...the recovery was a little easier. Time seemed to resume at a normal pace.
Then Aushlynn received her mission call before Avery came home. Thru some miracle...Avery hurt his elbow again and had to return from his mission a few weeks early. We had 10 days together before Aushlynn left on her mission. Wow...how the last year and a half has flown by.
When I look back it seemed like it happened in a heartbeat. It seems like five weeks not five years. Oh my heart. I am not sure who I am if I'm not a missionary momma. It's just what I do, or I guess what I did. If you see me and I'm completely irrational please understand...I'm gonna need an adjustment period it seems.

Thursday, March 30, 2017

I'm lying to myself....

I did not sleep well last night....surprise!! Well its not really a surprise it happens quite often to me. When I don't sleep my mind is racing a mile a minute....it goes places that I don't want it to go.  In fact I learned that I am lying to myself....I really am freaking out a little. Let me air my momma concerns that are on my mind.

I am stressed out about Peru...seriously someone needs to take the Internet away from me. Have you seen the pictures? 1) It's still raining...the rainy season last for 2 more weeks...does that mean the rain will stop then...no...nobody knows when it will stop. 2) Flooding.....the rain water has to go somewhere...it's pooling everywhere. 3) Nasty stuff in the flood waters...sewage.....poisonous reptiles that have been displaced. 4) Mosquitoes.....standing stagnate water...a breeding ground for the little suckers....Zika...Dengue.....5) Disease...none of this is healthy 6) Food and Clean water are hard to find...very expensive...people are going to start suffering. 7) she has a little food and water right now...how long will it last? 8) I worry she will be a target because she has some...desperate people do stupid things. 9) she is going to see suffering...breaks my heart....she will give away what she has and not have her needs met....how can you see suffering and not share what you have? 10) greedy government...the church relief effort brought in food to ease suffering...I have seen pictures of it for sale. The donated supplies are not getting to those who need it because of greed...this make me sad and angry. 11) not knowing...augh!!

My concerns go on and on.....someone please stop me because I am going to have an anxiety attack.

It's going to be fine...she has special protection...the armor of God with her...she is a missionary and wears a special tag bearing his name. She is hope for many people.

33 more days......

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

What a ride

What a ride our Peruvian princess is having out in Peru. Boring..not in the least. One thing for sure is her mission experience has been completely opposite of both of her brothers. Oh the stories and experiences that she will have to tell.

She is currently residing in Angamos...she has served here before. She is with a trio companionship with Hermana Pay and her companion. I am not sure of her name. She has now come full circle. Hermana Pay was her companion in the CCM during her missionary training. Looks like they may finish the mission together.....seems fitting. Aushlynn's cute little companion is headed home. She has been so sick and I guess the flooding is the straw that broke the camels back. I hope that she can heal up at home and come back and finish her mission later. What a trooper she has been.

Aushlynn was given the option of coming home or staying and finishing the last 35 days. She has chosen to stay. Wow....what a true disciple of Christ she has become. I am not sure I would have made the same decision.  She just feels that she needs to be there to help the people of Peru...she still has more to give. She has learned the meaning of Charity and she lives it. I am super proud of her decision and support her 100%. They are currently looking for a mini missionary to serve as her companion.  If and when the waters recede she will head back to Miraflores....it not to far away from where she is at.

Good news. They were able to go in yesterday and retrieve their belonging. I am grateful that she will have some clean clothes to wear. I am also grateful that she has her memory cards and mission momentos that she has picked up on her journey. I guess that was what I was most sad about her losing...but it is just stuff and we could have dealt with it...but so happy we don't have to.

People have asked how I'm doing. Well... surprisingly I have been pretty calm. I am generally a person who has anxiety but the Lord has blessed me for sure. Not to say I have not worried about her...but I have just not let it consume me. I know...it's a big surprise. I am coping quite well.

Peru is not out of the woods yet. The water has been receding...but there is more rain in the forcast. Thing could get worse before they get better. There is a shortage of clean water and food throughout the mission. There is still a chance they will pull the missionaries out and put them in different missions...if that is the case I am sure she will be headed home.

She is ready to roll up her sleeves and get dirty. I love her. I miss her. I pray always for her.


Monday, March 27, 2017

My heart is heavy...

This post is hard to write....Aush has been having a rough time out in the mission. Training was not the best experience she has had on the mission. It was difficult....we are grateful it is done. She was transfered last week to Miraflores to serve the last transfer of her mission with cute little Hermana Pinckard. Her poor companion has been sick...bless her heart, because of this missionary work has been hard. To top it all off the rains in Peru have been devastating.

Aushlynn is right in the center of the flooding. In fact today the river overflowed it's banks and flooded the city. This in turn caused Aush and her companion to abandon their apartment with the clothes on their backs. This breaks my heart. I have no idea if they can return for their belongings or if they will even be there if they are ever able to.  The poor girl is not even wearing her favorite dress.

They are currently staying with the Hermanas in Angamos..one of them is Hermana Pay that she was companions with in the CCM. They are watching the waters and praying that it won't reach this apartment. Food and fresh water are difficult to come by. Power is out everywhere. I guess you don't want the power with the lines so close to the flood waters...that would be tragic.

The missionaries spent some time today swimming in the flood waters and helping rescue people and children from their homes. It is so sad they have lost everything.

There has been talk of sending the missionaries affected to serve in Lima or sending some home. With only 36 days left to serve it might be an early homecoming for her. It's just talk...we will have to wait and see.

Really there is not much that we can do. We can pray for her. Done...every minute. I called and put her name in the temple and Elder Hills... and all the missionaries serving in the Piura Peru mission. I just got a voice mail because it is a Monday and a mommas gotta do what a mommas gotta do. We are holding a special fast for her tomorrow. Not just for her but for the missionaries and the people of Piura. This has been catastrophic for them. Aushlynns stuff is so easy for us to replace once she gets home, but for those who live there it is a different story. Please join us if you would like. It is something that we can do. I am praying that the ground will somehow turn thirsty and absorb the water. I am praying that the rains will cease so no more water is brought to the area. I am praying for safety.


Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Training in Progress.....

Time is blazin' by....this girl only has 77 days left in the mission field. That's only 6652800 seconds left....who wants to count with me?? 1 Mississippi....2 Mississippi....just kidding....that would take me 77 days to count! Here is what Hermana Brown had to say this week...

Hey Guys! 

Wow this week has been all sorts of emotions! On Monday night I was still with Hermana Ramos and we were pretty much freaking out. We didn’t sleep a wink lol. When we got to the mission home the next day I was pondering on how I felt the first day of my mission..... crazy to think that was so long ago. I feel like I just got here! Well I guess you have all seen pictures from President Rasmussen so yes I am with Hermana Araya! She is from Chile! I am content! I’m still a little nervous to have such a big responsibility but I am so ready for the challenge and most of all to work hard until the end!

Well I know you are all dying to know. My leg is getting a little better but with the heat and rain we are having here its having a hard time drying. It’s not keeping me from working which is good but it still hurts pretty bad. Okay so with the rain and the heat it is bringing out so many flies and mosquitos! ITS TERRIBLE!!! I woke up one morning with like 50 bites all over my back... I’m still trying to recover from that! I’m really nervous that I’m going to get dengue right before I leave!! I literally bathe in repellent daily but it doesn’t really help... it’s awful.

The heat here lately has been off the charts.... I’m so glad that for p-day today we went to Paita and to the beach! It was so nice to relax by the beach! I remembered sunscreen so I’m not completely burnt ha ha! We played soccer on the beach and also some volleyball. Then we ate at a restaurant right off the beach. THERE WAS A TON OF FLIES THOUGH. Eww. 

A Miracle that we saw this week is that my convert Jose that got baptized in January got his temple recommend and is attending the Trujillo temple on the 25th! I am super excited for him! He is progressing so fast in the gospel and I know he will be a great leader some day! 

Well a little about my daughter/comp! She is from Chile, Vina De Mar. She loves to sing and loves everything girly! She takes a lot of time to get ready ha ha. I just roll out of bed throw a dress on brush my hair and call it good lol. It’s too hot here to do stuff with my hair or my face! She is 21 years old. She HATES all bugs... she will suffer a little here lol. All and all she is super sweet and loves to learn new things! Also she knows english and wants to perfect it with me.... That will be cool. Although I have kind of forgotten a little bit ha ha. 

Well I love you all! Hope you all are safe back home! I miss you guys! 

Hermana Brown


Thursday, February 9, 2017

Thru your faith.....you will be healed....


Not to many people know about my health problems...it's not something that I share with everyone. My issues that I have are more of a private Gethsemane for me. I am going to share some of them with you today because this last week I had a real ahh.....I finally get it moment. But in order for you to understand....I have to start from the beginning.

Rewind back to the spring of 2012. I started experiencing numbness is my hands. The numbness was something that would come and go. It was pretty annoying...so naturally I took to the Internet to diagnose myself. I determined that I probably had the starting of Carpal Tunnels syndrome and vowed that I was going to lay off playing words with friends...I was a little addicted as my kids had introduced me to it the prior Christmas. Coinsidently, it was around the same time that Dyllon received his mission call to serve in the Knoxville Tennessee Mission and was to leave August 1, 2012.

As the months went by the numbness was getting a little more frequent and would last a little bit longer each time. I really tried to lay off the game. I really only played with my Auntie Karol but we had many...ok....a lot of games open at a time. It seemed that she had the same addiction to the game as me...but really it is basically playing scrabble and making words... so really what was it hurting?

In the first part of July 2012 I started having numbness in my arms whenever I laid down to go to sleep. This was quite alarming for me as I have difficultly sleeping and the numbness compounded that issue. Every single time I laid down to sleep the numbness would come and so would the sleepless nights......as you can imagine I was becoming a cranky person from lack of sleep because I still needed to be up at the same time M-F when my littles came to daycare. I think that the only thing that held me together was the ability to sleep in on Saturdays and Sundays so I could get some rest.

About 10 days before Dyllon was to leave on his mission we went up to Preston to stay the weekend at my parents. We were going to the Preston Rodeo and also to Bear Lake because we had rented a boat to do a little tubing per Dyllon's request before he entered the MTC. We went to the Rodeo....I was fine....we had a great time. I tried to sleep that night but since I had numbness in my arms....insomnia and to top it off I was sleeping on a bed my parents got at a yard sale from Fred Flintstone....I guess it was all a little much for me. I woke up in the morning very upset. My arms, neck and face were completely numb....something was very wrong with me! I started crying. We were supposed to go boating today and I was ruining it. I went upstairs and we determined that I better go to the instacare in Logan. Before I left I was given a blessing by Kendall, my Dad and Dyllon. It was the first time the words...."thru your faith you will be healed" were heard by my ears.

At the instacare they evaluated me. I was told that I probably had a pinched nerve from the bed that I attempted sleep on.  He gave me a muscle relaxer, suggested that I see a chiropractor or maybe get a massage. He also recommend that I follow up with my primary care doctor.  I called and made an appointment for the next day to get a massage and we headed back to Preston to get the boys to go to the lake (the girls were at girls camp and we were sneaking around behind their backs). I was only able to ride in the boat as my arms were weak and achy from the numbness. I was going to get through this...I did not want to ruin any fun for Dyllon as he was leaving in just a few days. We returned back home and I got my massage...heaven.....I was feeling a little bit better.

On the day of Dyllon's mission farewell I was doing ok...in fact...in thought I rocked it! I did not cry once during his talk or during the entire meeting. This was a surprise for me as I over the last few months would just cry whenever I thought about my boy leaving for 2 years.  I had cried a lot...there is a song about birds leaving the nest....I could not even think about...let alone hear the song without being reduced to a puddle of tears. So yeah holding it together during the meeting was a huge deal. We had a little get together with friends and family. It was a great time to see everyone.

The night of Dyllon's mission farewell I took a turn for the worst. Everyone was sleeping....I was not. In fact I was having the same issues I did at my parents a week ago....numbness in my arm, neck and face and to top it off I could not breathe well and my blood pressure was thru the roof. I thought I was having a stroke. I woke up Kendall and he was really worried about me. We called the nurse line and they told me I need to get to the emergency room ASAP. Kendall woke up Dyllon and had him come assist him in giving me a blessing before we left for the ER. During the blessing it was the second time I heard...."thru your faith you will be healed", I was not a fan of this and simply wanted to hear you are healed...but that did not happen.  At the ER they did a bunch of tests...an EKG, a CT scan...I'm not sure what else....but everything was negative. They determined I was having a panic attack and was suffering from anxiety. Five hours later......they gave me a Lorazpan to calm me down and sent me home. The kids stayed home from school and watched my daycare for me the next day and I got some much needed rest.

Funny thing is I did not feel like I had anxiety. I thought that I was coping with my life quite well. It seemed weird to me that I would only have anxiety when I laid down to sleep....so I was not quite convinced I had a correct diagnosis. One thing for sure was I needed more sleep and needed to get my sleep patterns under control.

Right before Dyllon left on his mission I told him I wanted him to give me a blessing. In his Patriarchal blessing years prior... he was told that he had the gift of healing. Before he left I wanted to tap into that gift and have a little healing done for me. I did not tell him this...I just asked for a blessing. In my blessing by my missionary son....I was told for a third time...."thru your faith you will be healed". Oh my goodness....what was I missing. I had faith that I could be healed. I believed I could be healed right at that moment...so why was it not happening.....oh girl....I had so much more to learn.

Dropping Dyllon off at the MTC was one of the hardest things I've had to do. Basically I was liquid for the next few days...I would cry at just about anything. We had prepared Dyllon to leave...at least we did the best we could......but you know what....nobody ever told me that I needed to prepare myself....but as a note to future missionary moms....you need to prepare yourself...it is hard to have them go....it feels like a little part of you.....strike that....a big part of you is gone. I just don't even know how to tell you to prepare for it....there is no way to....at least not that I have found....I've been thru it three times. I guess all I can say is be prepared to be unprepared for it.

So I went to my Dr to get something to help me sleep. I had convinced myself that if I could just get some sleep that most of my issues would go away. It was not so easy to convince my Dr that. He wanted me to see a therapist. Oh boy was I ticked at him.....so he thought that I was crazy huh! I told him that was not going to happen.....he told me if I did not go he would not prescribe me my medications. I need my blood pressure medication...he was blackmailing me. I hated him and told him I would just find a new Dr. I really did not want to find a new Dr so I made another appointment with him....he did not waiver and told me the same thing the second appointment. Therapist or no medications. I left again very angry...but I made an appointment with a therapist. I had exactly one visit with the therapist. He agreed with me that I was just really tired and a missionary momma on top of that. I was having anxiety...but nothing that I really needed to be seen for.....take that Dr meanie!

So I saw my Dr again. He was glad I went but we explored other options for my numbness. I had ultrasounds on my heart, stress tests....I have worn braces on my arms for Carpal Tunnels.....nothing has really helped and I have never found out a reason for it. I have had massage therapy and also many sessions of chiropractic work done. Still I continue to have the numbness however it is not as often or as painful as it was.

Fast forward 5 years later. I have sent three kids missions. With the exception of 10 days.....I have had one or two missionaries serving for nearly 5 years. Each time one would leave I would have my anxiety ramp up and numbness would get worse. I have learned how to soothe myself but it still happening. I have had many blessings....each time hearing the same thing...."thru your faith you will be healed" I have yet to be "healed". I guess I am not to good with the faith part. I deal with numbness all the time.

So to my ahh...moment. Last week in Relief Society we had a lesson on facing our fears. The RS teacher had heard the same words in a blessing of hers. She responded I guess so...faith with out works is dead. I thought to myself...well I've done works. I have seen Dr's. I have tried to find out what was wrong with me. I have prayed everyday to be healed.....but right there at that moment I finally got it.....it has only taken me five years. I was not even listing to the words that have been spoken to me so many times....never changing...always the same....THRU YOUR FAITH....YOU WILL BE HEALED.  I think what it means is I don't need to worry about all the things that cause me anxiety. If I have faith that things will be okay...thy will be done.....their is absolutely no reason for me to have anxiety.  No reason for me to worry. It's not something I need to be doing. I just need faith....not worry. Worrying does nothing but cause me anxiety....it does absolutely nothing to help the situation I worry about....it only affects me. This numbness and anxiety will go away if I have faith that what Heavenly Father has in store for me and my family is best...his will not my will.

Sometimes I am slow....it's so simple......