just a little near death experience....no biggie

Yesterday I almost died....and I'm pretty sure that everyone that was with me was laughing. Rude huh. Let me back peddle a little bit and give you the full story.

So...I'll just go on and admit it....I can't swim. My momma is afraid of water so naturally I was not allowed near it. I get it... if you can't save your kid you want to keep that danger away from them. I have tried to learn to swim....I more panic and sink....I am pretty unteachable at this point I'm my 40's.

Now on to my kayaking experience. I tandemed kayaked in Oahu.....on the ocean out to two different  islands. We sailed that baby amazingly and paddled up to the island and road the waves in like pros. I lived and did not crash. I kayaked around a lake...well maybe not all the way around... in northern Idaho at a family reunion.....I lived again and did not wreck. I canoed down the bear river in Idaho with Kendall a few weeks ago...no crashes and pretty calm water.  So I guess you can say I'm pretty much a pro when it comes to being a rider and not have to steer the boat.

So yesterday we went kayaking on the bear river. It's 350 miles long and my dad wanted us to experience the whole river. I am pretty sure that we kayaked that many miles yesterday. Let's just say I know I have arms....but I feel that I have arms today...and not in a good way....my arms are like....hey....what did you do to me yesterday!!!

Anyway, Aushlynn and her friend...that's a boy (who rates her in his top 5 bester kissers) took the only tandem kayak...you know where this leaves me right? All by myself....don't wanna be all by my self....anymore....sing it with me! So Shawn picked me a kayak...a orange sundolphin that you ride on top. No motor just Mindy power. I zipped up my life jacket half way....big mistake.

So they put my boat in the water....backwards.....and I get in. I get the instructions....just paddle up river....turn around and hang out and wait for the whole group to get in the water......right! So the reality was I was floating down the river backwards sidewayish to what I am pretty sure were class 5 rapids. The kayak wobbling back and forth ready to dump me at any moment.  I'll just let you take a minute to picture this. Ok...I said picture not laugh.  Through a miracle I was able to turn around. I don't know how....I just did. It was a Jesus take the wheel moment except I was holding on to my paddle. Now this was not the nice glassy water from a few weeks ago....this was a churning river and I was very much alone....even though Kendall and my dad promised to be right by me....I learned they are liars whilst on the river.

A kayak is so hard to keep straight. I am super inefficient when it comes to paddleing. I could probably take a gold medal for being the worst at it. It is so hard. Everybody made it look so easy but I was crying behind my Denver Broncos sunnies. I somehow managed to make it through the rapids while I was mostly pointed straight. It was 100 percent terrifying and awful...but kinda fun in a delusional twisted sort of way. Not lots of fun...but a terrifying rush. Maybe 2 percent fun 98 percent I'm never doing that again.

Well we get to a calm part of the water....thank the Lord and for some reason my dad wants us to wait for the rest of the group. He's like...kayak over her and hang out and wait for everybody. We all know that I don't kayak the boat....it kayaks me.  Easy peasy just turn the boat around and kayak up the river and wait with everybody. I had a bad feeling...I'm not gonna lie...I had a bad feeling the whole time I'd been out there.  I did get turned around but while trying to go up the river with every yelling paddle harder my boat flipped. I learned a few things. My dad lied about the river only being 4 feet deep. The water was over my head. I wished I would have zipped my life jacket up all the way and cinched the suckered tight. Kendall lied about saving me. My kayak was trying to drown me. Avery loves his mom.

So I went over. I drank a few gallons. The kayak was on my head. I have bionic woman strength when drowning and threw the boat 15 feet off me. Avery jumped in to rescue me and my life jacket had to hold us both up. It was fine. Kendall got my boat for me a half mile down the river that is impossible to walk in on the side. Way to many elevation changes.
I was salty Kendall didn't save me and Aushlynn started singing "He Sent His Son".  Avery also saved my floppy hat and water bottle but my Candy Cane Chapstick fell victim to the bear river. I gonna miss that cool slick stick for sure...it was a good chapstick.

Everybody thinks it's funny and wishes it was recorded. I do not think it's funny. I also learned that I do not swear right before I'm going to die...this is good.

I was super brave and got back in my boat. I even kayaked down a waterfall. My choices limited me on what I could do. I guess I could have had them send a life flight but I was gonna pull through.