I'm a mess....

So, I have something wrong with me....surprise!  My friend's son Carson left for his mission yesterday.  She posted a picture on Facebook of them in the airport parking garage rolling his luggage to the terminal check in.   I cried.  Not a little sniff, but I cried a lot.  A little while later she posted another picture of him and said he left them an hour earlier then he had to because he was so excited to start his new adventure.  On my goodness....I had another good cry.  Then she posted that he was flying over Ecuador and I had a nice cry in the shower. Good Grief...this in not even my son!  Why are my emotions so close to the surface?  It could be that Aushlynn is going to the exact same mission as Carson and she is next in line to go. But, then I think about other missionaries that we have sent back to their homes and I get emotional too. How in the world can I get so attached to them in such a short amount of time.  I think that I might be pulling them into my heart because I miss Avery oh so much.  Maybe like if I take care of the missionaries around me, then others around my missionary will take care of them where they are serving. Problem is....I then turn around and miss those missionaries when they leave.  I want to keep them....but Kendall says that I can't. Sigh.

Aushlynn leaves to Peru in 40 days....did you hear that FORTY DAYS,  so clearly all my thoughts are completely rational.  My mom once told me the problem that I have is my tear ducts are connected to my heart.  So anytime my heart hurts the tears flow.  Hence why you never and I mean never want to sit next to me at a funeral.  I am a complete basket case and I will embarrass you.

 So, I guess I am not sure what to do with myself.  I am trying to keep busy...but I still have all night long to think about it.  And then I cry. I just wish I could fall asleep at night. Don't get me wrong.  I LOVE the fact that my kids want to serve missions.  I have found that missions seem to fix all the mistakes that I made when I was raising them.  Well, maybe not all.......but they are amazing people when they come home.  I look at Dyllon and think.....Man, you are pretty awesome!  I guess in a way I am pretty envious of my kids that they get to serve missions.  I like to think that if I had not been married when I was 21 that I would have gone, but Kendall snatched me up at the tender young age of 19 and we have been in bliss ever since. I think of how lucky that they are to spend such a long period of time devoting their lives to nothing but their Savior and serving others.  What a huge blessing for them and I am grateful that they get to have that opportunity. I would never want to take that from them.

I guess what my momma heart wishes it that I could have all my babies home for just a minute or two. I just miss them so MUCH!  When Aushlynn returns from her mission I will have gone 58 months straight of having a missionary or two out serving.  It will be two months shy of five years.  That is a long time for a momma to be missing her babies and hence why I am a freakaziod!  So if you see me crying know that I am really trying to hold it together.